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Joke of the Day

"Amazingly, over half a million people showed up for Obama's inauguration ceremony, and only 8 missed work."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE MAN!! - Shorty"

"Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover? When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum."

"Writing my first book, I got stuck on the details... ...ended up haiku."

"[Apple meeting] We need an honest iPhone 6 slogan. ""How about, iPhone 6: Yesterday's technology at tomorrow's prices."" Too honest, Carl."

"Who's the most meta player on a Football team? The PUNter."

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing? I dont know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance."

"Doctor... Doctor, impotence takes you suddenly? - No, first it lets you look like a fool about 2-3 times ..."

"Dogs can't operate an Mri machines... But catscan"

"I go to Taco Bell and throw in random adjectives to see if they notice. ""I'll have the Cheesy Double Sweaty Burrito."""