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Joke of the Day

"Just yelled ""out of my way monsters!"" at a flock of seagulls, so I'm done interacting socially for the day"

"Why was Beethoven making a lot of money? His property was Fur Elise"

"Did you hear about the Lord Of The Rings and Taxi Driver fanatic who had a bit of a stutter? He said to his friend, ""Jay, R, R you Tolkein to me?"""

"You hear in his will Prince left a bunch of large musical instruments to churches? Turns out he was *a big organ donor.*"

"My son decided to help me clean the car today. After ten minutes of watching him, I told him to use some elbow grease. Two hours later, the idiot came back and told me that he couldn't find it."

"You want to know what's the toughest part about Thanksgiving dinner at my house? The sexual tensions"

"If you force sex on a prostitute is it rape or shoplifting?"

"I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone. Edit: Holy *shit*! This blew up!"

"Why can't you go fishing with Skrillex? Because he always drops the bass."

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you criticize,you are a mile away from them & have their shoes"