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Joke of the Day

"Twitter's still doing that thing where I'm not funny."

"Police - OPEN UP OR WE ARE COMING IN Me- SOUNDS GREAT CAN YOU GRAB MY CHARGER FROM MY CAR"

"What's a funny non-racist joke a Polish person would laugh at? Just trying to make a Polish girl I like laugh"

"My 5-year-old daughter hates it when I call her the ""C"" word... cranky. She starts crying, screaming and stomping around. It's at this point I have to tell her: ""Stop acting like a little cunt!"""

"Tickle me Elmo was recalled They forgot to give him two test tickles."

"Why did Angelina tell Brad to do squats? Because she was tired of a bottomless pitt."

"Never call a woman fat An elephant never forgets."

"Daughter: Mom, there's a man outside. Me: Get the net!"

"What did one orphan say to the other? ~~""Robin, get in the batmobile.""~~ ""Our parents are dead."""

"Why was little Jimmy fishing in the well? Because Tom had previously drowned in the well and everyone said ""Tom is sleeping with the fishes."""