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Joke of the Day

"So my dentist says to me... So my dentist says to me, ""you're the cleanest patient I've had all week!"" Then I respond, ""Wow I deserve a plaque!"" This literally just happened. She lost it."

"What do u get when u mix a douche and a tool? Scottsdale."

"I know that there are people who don't love their fellow man I hate those people."

"What kind of shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans"

"Q: Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? A: Because she was a plant eater!"

"Jokes about menstruation aren't funny. Period."

"What's a zombie's morning routine? Shit, shower, grave."

"I'm Black. So I can't be racist. But these suckers keep telling me that I am. ""Jake, you can't call yourself Black just because you went to jail once. That is racist"""

"What do you call a cancer doctor who works 24/7? An on-call-ogist"

"My mailbox is overflowing, my spam folder and junk folder rival each other in size, and I keep procrastinating on dealing with it... But one day I'm gonna go clean all that up, you just wait and DNC."