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Joke of the Day

"Telling somebody you love them is like telling them your dream from last night. You can explain all you want. They'll never understand."

"Made a meal out of an old recipe book today. Just tasted like paper really ."

"My therapist told me the reason I have a lower sex life than I want Is because I misinterpret what people are telling me. I'm pretty sure she wants my dick."

"I can't spell armugedon... But it's not the end of the world."

"How I broke my cat's knees? With rude eyes."

"Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and his left leg? He was all right."

"Doctor says I need to see a chiropractor for my back pain... I said ""Are you nuts? I don't have time to go to Egypt!"""

"What's a neckbeard's favourite disease? M'laria."

"There should be way more poetry about cheeseburgers."

"The ugly barnacle. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end."