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Joke of the Day

"What do old women and cottage cheese have in common? They come in chunks."

"June 1885 - The Statue Of Liberty arrives in the U.S. in 350 pieces with no instructions. Future IKEA magnate: ""That gives me an idea."""

"The real reason David beat Goliath is that when David threw a rock, Goliath threw scissors."

"I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender."

"How did the bird get his bluetooth to work? He had to parrot."

"Out of? Mom (about her son): Look at these marks Jim has scored... 8.. 10... 7.. Dad: Out of? Mom: Out of pity!"

"Stop burning bridges. They're not even good kindling. Just use sticks."

"Home alone tonight The fridge is making weird noises I think the beer wants out...."

"Just saw a French band perform Livin' On A Prayer. I think it was Bonjour-vi."

"Oh great! Now my phone is calling me a low life. Oh wait it's low battery life sorry that was my self esteem reading it wrong"