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Joke of the Day

"Grooming tip: Cut your toenails every 2 to 24 weeks whether they need it or not."

"""STOP IT STOP IT. CUT. THIS IS ALL WRONG"" I scream at my cats dressed like vampires. ""This is NOTHING like Twilight!!"""

"The worst thief ever came to my birthday party today. I mean, I've seen other thieves, but this one took the cake."

"Good artists copy, great artists steal I wrote that."

"I shaved my legs today and drew the hair back on. I don't get it, eyebrow ladies, I don't get it."

"They say Kim Jong Un is heartless and a murder... It's because he has no Seoul"

"In Heaven, the angels asked God where he would spend his next vacation. Definitely not earth, God said. Last time I went there, I got a girl pregnant and they still haven't stopped taking about it."

"Carlsberg don't do Alzheimer's ... ... but they do make exceedingly good cakes."

"Dermatologists hate him! It's not because he has a great skin or anything. He's just an asshole"

"You can't get AIDS from a toilet seat unless you sit down before the other guy gets up"