182455

Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Chatbook that consists solely of pictures of your poop? A Shatbook."

"Me: You're supposed to be taking a nap 4-year-old: I am Me: Then why are you standing here? 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: This is a dream"

"family member: what are you doing with your life? me: it's a surprise"

"Why did the fashion show lose it's attendance? my friend thought it was a strip club. (I'm not good at this, pls don't be harsh)"

"I asked my friend from New Zealand how many times he'd had sex... but he fell asleep before he could tell me."

"Standing behind a hot guy on a treadmill saying 'don't worry baby, I'll catch you if you fall' makes him run for a really really long time"

"A girl said she met me at the vegetarian meetup... I don't think I've met herbivore."

"Customer: How come the Board of Health hasn't come in and closed you up? Waiter: They're afraid to eat here."

"I would bring my dog a nice jerky treat from Colorado, but he only eats local, sustainable cat turds."

"Why did the chicken fall into the well? Because she couldn't see that well."