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Joke of the Day

"How was I supposed to know unleashing 342 cats in a club would turn to bone-chilling horror the instant the disco balls started up?"

"Not everyone can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut... But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair."

"COP: You're under arrest for owning a non-domesticated animal. ME:(looks at otter)You mean Dave? COP:...and for this weed ME: That's Dave's"

"I went to the hairdresser and she asked how I'd like my hair cut. In silence."

"I could tell my parents truly loved me as a child. My bath toys were a toaster, radio and a blow dyer."

"Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head? The tomato was in a can."

"*at party* Guy: Want to dance? Me: I'm sorry but I cannot, in good conscience, leave this cheese ball unattended."

"I had a weird dream I was eating a hairy lollipop. Woke up this morning and my wifes head was covered in slobber."

"How is marijuana stock sold on the stock market? Buy high sell higher."

"I bet if Amy Winehouse had changed her name to Amy Lemonadehouse, she'd still be alive today."