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Joke of the Day

"Scientists Say the universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons.. They Forgot to mention Morons.."

"April showers bring May flowers, but what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims."

"Just fell into a toilet last night and now I'm feeling really sad... Been down in the dumps all day."

"What did the cat say after reading """"To Kill a Mockingbird""? I want a refund: there's not one darn thing about how to kill a bird *anywhere* in this book."

"What's long and hard on a black guy? The first grade"

"Statistically speaking, every male has had a crush on a teacher... For me, it's my wife's yoga instructor."

"How do you walk out of a Casino with $1 Million? Walk in with $2 Million."

"Every day, for the last two years, I've been putting something aside for a rainy day... ... But what am I going to do with 500 umbrellas and 200 pairs of wellies?"

"I've had sex with over 80 women... I've also had sex with a few under 80 but they just didn't have the experience."

"Me: *sneaks out of the house* *drives to another state* *hides in a cave* *quietly opens a bag of chips* My kids: Can we have some?"