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Joke of the Day

"woman on death row Warden: ""What would you like for your last meal?"" Woman: ""I don't know, what do you want?"""

"HER: this isn't working out ME: is it because I'm too literal? HER: I just don't want to see you any more ME: ok *gently closes her eyes*"

"The only way I'm coming to your wedding is if YOU get ME a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do."

"I got kicked out of the hardware store today... It's my dad's fault. He told me to buy a black and deck her."

"A man walks into a bar and yells, ""All Lawyers are assholes!"" Someone at the bar stands up and says, ""I take offense to that."" ""Why? Are you a lawyer?"" ""No. I'm an asshole."""

"""Support bacteria it's the only culture some people have!"""

"I was beaten to a lead role in a film, and have planned to get my revenge with Matt Damon ever since. I'll make him wish he'd never been Bourne."

"Why are there so few Christians on 4chan? Because religious people don't like faggots"

"What do crossfitters call their trainers? Fairy WOD-mothers."

"God finally answer my prayers for winning the $15 million lottery. The answer is no."