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Joke of the Day

"I've never been put in the ""friend"" zone, but I have been put in the ""please don't tell my friend's"" zone."

"Half the time I hug anyone I'm just wiping my hands off on their back."

"Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It's pretty solid."

"Q: How Do You Tell 2 Scottsmen Apart? A: You lift their kilts, and whichever one has a Quarter Pounder is a McDonald!!"

"What do you call an elephant that flies ? A jumbo jet !"

"What happened to the man running in front of a car? He got tired. The man running behind the car -- he got exhausted."

"Why did the Mexican school girl get pregnant? Here teacher said to go home and do her ""essay""."

"Why do teenage girls only hang out in odd-numbered groups? Because they can't even."

"Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans? If he ate one more, it would be too farty!"

"""I don't think you're ready for this jelly."" ~ me talking shit to my peanut butter sandwich."