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Joke of the Day

"What happens when you get a lot of electroshocks within a short period of time? It hertz."

"I plan to forgive and forget. Forgive myself for being stupid and forget you ever existed."

"Every letter likes Jews... but not-Z"

"[kids fighting in the back seat] ME: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PULL OVER AND START A PODCAST RIGHT NOW IF YOU 2 DON'T CUT IT OUT."

"Apparently there's enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot."

"MISSED CONNECTION: I was the customer. You were the cable guy. You said you'd be here by 5 but you never came you piece of shit I'm gonna fi"

"You can lead a horticulture ...but you can't make her think"

"I don't know how some people do it ""4 minute shower"" It takes me like 4 minutes to even get the water to be the right temperature."

"How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb? Wanna go ride bikes?"

"why thank you, sir! I was totally unaware of my big titties. How kind of you to risk your safety by yelling it out of the car window."