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Joke of the Day

"I dunno if a gun would be my murder weapon of choice but it's worth a shot."

"I'm making a horror film where a sadistic snowman sets death traps for other snowmen and they have to melt bits of themselves to escape.It's called Thaw."

"Caught myself yelling ""FUCK YOU"" to my burrito for dripping on pants, feet & bed, if you were wondering who's raising the next generation."

"How many tickles does an octopus like? Ten-tickles"

"I like my men like I like my grapes. Me:- I like my men like I like my grapes Friend:- Big and black? Me:- no, 16 at a time."

"*hot girl puts a cherry stem in her mouth* *twists it around with her tongue* *pulls it out* *it spells ""I LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND""*"

"I like my women like I like my microwaves Small, white, and will kill any baby I put inside it."

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face."

"When a girl comes over for a date, I make sure I leave a hammer and measuring tape on the counter so she doesn't suspect that I watch Glee"

"Why did Sally fall down the hill? I pushed her."