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Joke of the Day

"I'm going to make a list of my favorite sausages, brat to wurst."

"Taxi drivers seem pretty sad these days... I guess you could say they're, *uber* depressed."

"How many black Oscar nominees would it take (compared to white nominees) to satisfy the boycotters? Three-fifths as many seems like a generous offer."

"Knock Knock... -Who's there? Anxiety -Anxiety Who? Are you sure someone knocked?"

"Gay pride parade? Why isn't there a straight pride parade? They tried that but people kept on thinking it was the checkout line at Home Depot."

"Exits public bathroom stall Makes eye contact with the person next in line Mouths: ""I'm so sorry"""

"Oh you have Swag? ...that's cool, hey, can you Super Size my Fries?"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T LIST THOR AS AN EMERGENCY BACKUP?!?!"

"[ER] Me: I CANT FEEL MY LEGS AM I DYING DOC? Dr: *loosens my belt*unbuttons my pants* Me: is this appropriate? *blood returns to legs* oh."

"Thank God I'm an Athiest After seeing what happened in Paris! Religious people scare me!"