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Joke of the Day
"My roommate thinks I have schizophrenia Which is weird because I live alone."
Next Joke
"High cholesterol food will always have a special place in my heart."
"The amount of duplicates on this subreddit"
"Women seem to want security. At least that's what they yell whenever I approach them."
"can't now.. having an heated argument with my toaster."
"Lesbian dinasour What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalotapuss"
"Seriously...if you need a sign to remind you to wash your hands after taking a shit or piss. Stay home"
"Judge: jury, how do you find the defendant? Me: [whispering] dude, he's like...right there. Judge: there's no talking Me: [pointing]"
"My toddler begged to go swimming and then threw a tantrum because she didn't want to get wet in case you were on the fence about having kids"
"*smacks you with my coloring book* Wow. These coloring books really do work to relieve stress."