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Joke of the Day
"BABY COW: [points at human] What's that? OLDER COW: That is a milk dracula"
Next Joke
"Is athlete's foot [gulp] fatal, doc? ""Not with the proper treatment."" *gives foot $56M 7-year contract*"
"Meanwhile India is just blown away that you can get Britain to leave by voting"
"How come about the ""About the Author"" never includes anything negative? ""He was born in Indiana where he's widely regarded as a scumbag."""
"Why can't redneck murder mysteries be solved? Because all the DNA is the same and there are no dental records."
"If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone"
"What's a 12 year old boy's favorite romantic comedy? PS4, I Love You"
"Mickey Mouse wants a divorce. ""Mickey Mouse, it says you want to divorce Minnie because she was... extremely silly?"" ""No, I said she was fucking Goofy"""
"Pro tip: If a woman asks you how she looks, the correct answer is not ""like Dan Aykroyd."""
"Camp Woodland was across the road from a dairy farm. One day the kids saw a large bull. 'Is that bull safe?' someone asked the farmer. 'Safer than you are!' was his answer."