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Joke of the Day

"Me: Do you love me? 13: Silence Husband: if you don't tell your mother you love her we are going to make out at your next soccer game."

"Five years ago, I couldn't see the forest through the trees, but now I can. Thank goodness for loggers and strip malls!"

"Is it a blow job or a blowjob? Fuck I hate writing thank you cards..."

"I heard a bunch of Chinese people chanting ""We want rights! We want rights!"" They must be scared of the dark or something."

"Did you hear about the man who fell into a lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself."

"What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? Liquor in the front poker in the back."

"""Welcome to the Association Against Acronyms & Abbreviations, your office is this way..."" - ""We should call it AAAA!"" ""You're fired."""

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."

"I saw a woman with 12 breasts. Sounds strange, dozen tit?"

"I don't use my power for good or evil. Mainly, I use it to watch TV, microwave food, and charge my phone."