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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a counterfeit receipt for a memory consultant? A Freudilent slip."

"So Muhammad Ali died recently and... I made the huge mistake telling my Muslim friend."

"I don't always roll a joint, But when I do it's my ankle"

"Did you hear that Russia considers US intervention in Syria illegal? They even wrote a song about it... ""Crimea River"""

"Mark Ruffalo is the name you could most likely teach a dog to say."

"My editor told me I need to be more pithy, so I booked an appointment with a urologist."

"Sigh. Woodstock '99 was a terrible use of this Time Machine."

"What if your pillow could collect your dreams and when you wake up you plug it into your computer and watch them over again..."

"Revere rides a horse saying ""The British are Coming""and it's heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming ""look at me""and it's probation?"

"Had to replace the condom I carry around in my wallet yesterday Just heard they have a 5 year expiry date."