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Joke of the Day
"How hard do you need to press someone's boob to ooze out milk ? About tree fiddy."
Next Joke
"Nostalgia ain't what it used to be"
"What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Wa-TA"
"I went to the bar with my 21 year old girlfriend... They called me a pedophile because I was 42. That totally ruined our 10 year anniversary."
"Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day."
"*Pauses Titanic during the most romantic part* *Turns to GF* ""You know, Contra was really easy. But I still liked using the 100 life code"""
"Girl, you can call me RNA II Polymerase ... ...cuz I'm gonna unzip your genes"
"wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]"
"Why did Wile E. Coyote have a ""Detour"" sign pointing to the edge of a cliff? To throw the Roadrunner off."
"Learning to ride a bike is like losing your virginity... No matter how many years go by, you never forget the feeling of your dads hands on your shoulders as he pushes."