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Joke of the Day

"Everytime we have sex my girlfriend wants to pretend to be a teenager. I tell her, ""Be patient. You'll be one soon enough."""

"I used to have a rabbit farm. It was a hare raising experience."

"Happy and Sad An old man says to his wife, ""Honey, there is no possible way to feel both happiness and sadness at the same time."" The wife says, ""Out of all your brothers, you have the biggest dick."""

"Hey big accounts - What's it like to tweet ""My cat sneezed"" and get 500 RT in the first minute ? My cat would be dead before I got 50"

"The King and I always have breakfast for dinner on Christmas Eve We call it Yule Brinner."

"""So tell me more about yourse-PUT DOWN MY FRIES IF YOU WANT TO WALK OUT OF HERE WITH ALL 4 LIMBS INTACT."" - What not to say on a first date."

"I hate it when people on a commercial have more fun in 30 seconds than I'll ever have on my whole life."

"ME: snakes are mean TEACHER: right ME: but it's not their fault. They have 2 ends & no legs TEACHER: ok ME: so the ends justify the mean"

"My girlfriend wanted to have a talk about how childish i am But she didn't have the secret password to my pillow fort so she couldn't get in"

"The best jokes are often unintentional; take this one for example What is the square root of 69? Ate something...."