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Joke of the Day

"I was tired of not finding a seat in rush-hour commutes... Which is why, I started passing stool on the train."

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"When the doctors diagnosed me with leprosy... ...I laughed my head off."
"I have bad fight or flight instincts. Guy wants a fight in an elevator, I try to run. Truck heading straight at me 45 mph, let's do this bro"
"What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? ""Halloumi"""
"What do you call a shipping crate full of snails? Escargot."
"[ISIS cuts off some dudes heads] Whoa thats messed up you better quit it! [ISIS breaks old rocks] OKAY WE HAVE TO STOP THEM NOW."
"Reese Witherspoon was arrested Friday night. If some rag doesn't use ""REESE IS FALLING TO PIECES"" as a headline then this world is bullshit."
"19th Ammendment"
"Do you know why fruits don't get married? Because they cantaloupe."
"Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars."