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Joke of the Day

"Suicide Squad spoiler: Jared Leto's Joker is so twisted he puts big spoons in the drawer slots where the little spoons go."

"What sport do you play with a wombat? Wom"

"Yo mama so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway."

"What does a dyslexic agnostic wonder about? Is there a dog?"

"I carry a magnum size condom in my purse like a modern day glass slipper. Some day my prince will come."

"A strong person stands up for himself. A stronger person stands up for himself while bench pressing another person standing up for himself."

"Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way."

"Do you know what it means to come home to a man who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house."

"Texas principal: If that's a homemade clock and not a bomb, what time is it? Muslim student: Time for a lawsuit."

"I like to go into changing rooms in the mall and yell ""help they're all out of toilet paper."" It really scares the shit out of the employees"