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Joke of the Day

"I don't get why there's so many signs around saying ""Free Wi-Fi."" I mean, I've never seen, or for that matter heard of, any Wi-Fi in captivity!"

"I got the eye of the tiger ... and a lifetime ban from my local zoo."

"What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback"

"What's the difference between swine flu and bird flu? For swine flu you need ""Oinkment"", for bird flu you need ""Tweetment""."

"There is no ""i"" in ""stupid."""

"Big testicle Is it weird that my one testicle is bigger than my other two?"

"[grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy"

"I got fired from my job as a bingo caller... apparently ""A meal for two with a terrible view"" was a pathetic way to announce the number 69."

"Shakespeare was gay... How else was he so good with his tongue?"

"Look Disney all I'm saying is that if my stepdaughter brought a bunch of birds and mice into my mansion I'd make her clean up that shit too."