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Joke of the Day

"The female praying mantis devours her male within minutes of mating, whereas ... the female human stretches it out over a lifetime!"

"I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid He says he can stop anytime he wants"

"How does a mermaid give birth? By sea-section!"

"When rapping in my car, I hold my phone to my ear so passersby think I'm on an intense business call."

"A recent worldwide survey showed... A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 7,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number."

"Mike Huckabee calls Obama a ""pretend Christian"", and if anyone's an expert on ""pretend Christians"", it's Mike Huckabee."

"Why does Japan have such a low obesity rate? They don't want to see their little boy grow into a fat man."

"[Me and coworker going for the last piece of cake] You'd better ask yourself if you can type with one hand, Nancy from Accounting."

"When you put the punchline in the title... How do you ruin a joke?"

"Me: let's go this way. Shopping cart: no."