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Joke of the Day

"[hostage situation] Any last words? ""Nah, I'm good."" If you insist. *puts gun to head* Say you're prayers. ""You are prayers. Lol."""

"What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip-off"

"Why does Donald Trump take Xanax? For hispanic attacks."

"Conversations get real after midnight. 11:59 pm - ""I love ramen noodles"" 12:01am - ""I feel like I can trust you. I killed a man once"""

"1.Open Facebook 2.Search for a pic with 4 girls 3.Coment: ""You 3 look so pretty!"" 4.Enjoy"

"You know what would be better than Trump 2016? Kony 2016."

"Did you know the inventor of the vibrator heard voices saying... ""If you build it, they will come."""

"I got a job at Apple today by answering just one question. The interviewer asked what my passion was and I said, 'tax laws'."

"Tried to catch fog the other day... Mist"

"I was an alcoholic for seven years. Today marks my eighth."