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Joke of the Day

"Finish this thought A man lands on his driveway, gets out of his spaceship, enters his home to find..."

"WAITER:What would you like? ME:What would YOU like? W:Excuse me? M:No one ever asks you, do they? W:*tearing up* No.. they don't. Thank you."

"I was gonna make a gay joke... Butt fuck it"

"Just been reading how more people die from choking on sweets' packaging than the sweets themselves. Gums don't kill people, wrappers do."

"What's a bulimic person's favorite movie? ""The Purge"""

"TIL that when a teacher is unable to make it to class, they will temporarily hire a... Oh wait, wrong sub."

"There was a prison break and I locked eyes with a midget as he climbed up the fence. As he jumped over he sneered at me and I thought, ""Well, that's a little condescending."""

"What's a traffic cop's favorite kind of sweater? A pull over."

"Neon bumped into helium. There was no reaction."

"Looking at you, I understand why some animals eat their young."