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Joke of the Day
"Whats the antonym of Manchester United? WomanBreastsR Divided"
Next Joke
"I saw a chameleon today so I guess it was a pretty shitty chameleon"
"America, a country where people spend half of their money on food, and the other half on losing weight."
"I had a short prison sentence. ^that was it."
"""I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"" -Me, every time I drink"
"A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure."
"I saw an old couple sharing a newspaper and was like ""oh wow maybe marriage is cool"" and then the lady said ""STOP BREATHING ON ME"""
"My phone doesn't auto capitalize the 'G' in god but it auto capitalizes the 'K' in Kevin. So now I worship Kevin."
"It's strange when I see a deer out in nature because I always assumed their natural habitat was right in front of my car on the highway."
"If you ever see me in a restaurant, please approach my table and do your Drunk Uncle impression. Especially if I'm with family or a girl."