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Joke of the Day

"I was looking at the fruit in the bowl, thinking... How the fuck did I end up with a gay goldfish..."

"[marriage counseling] He barely knows who I am anymore ""That's not true, Karen"" LINDA, MY NAME IS LINDA"

"What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk!"

"Boss: Where were you born? Santa : India. Boss: which part? Santa : What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India."

"My ex had a really weird fetish... She would dress as herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time."

"What do you call a Spaniard kissing a door? A Conquistador!"

"What do you call a Black Jew? .....a menorah-tee."

"A gay couple and a lesbian couple Both need to leave quickly. Who gets out first? The gay couple. Their shit's already packed."

"Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side."

"getting sick of watching movies where johnny depp dresses like a hobo. I blame him for russel brand"