165294

Joke of the Day

"*Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*"

"Replaced my shoelaces with ear buds and now they tie themselves."

"Why do certain asian boxers hate the Rebel Alliance? Because they are Thai fighters."

"I got in a fight with Dwayne Johnson. As I threw the first punch, he turned around on the spot. And that, that is when I knew I'd hit rock bottom."

"When I saw ""likes music"" on her dating profile, I almost fell out of my chair. Because I also like music. Holy shit she likes good food too!"

"What's red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion."

"You guys wanna hear a dirty story..... A horse fell in the mud."

"How does a boy dog rape a girl dog? with WOOFilin"

"Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious."

"Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the ""Like"" button."