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Joke of the Day

"I overheard a super skinny girl say that she sometimes forgets to eat. So naturally I licked her face to see if it was contagious"

"I'd only marry someone if they seemed like they'd be pretty easygoing during our divorce."

"Why was the lesbian mad when she got her report card? Cause she got a D"

"I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this year I resolve that I will neither become the pope nor will I become a cannibal."

"How does a mermaid give birth? By sea-section!"

"When a seeing eye dog poops, who cleans it up? This is the kind of stuff that makes my head hurt."

"Cop: Why are your eyes bloodshot? Me: My girlfriend dumped me and I was crying... Cop: Oh. Me: ...so I smoked weed to feel better."

"Always leave the shower curtains open. *things I learned from horrors"

"So many brave flute players were killed by cobras in picnic baskets before one of them tried an Indian song."

"What's the difference between O and Q? One had to P."