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Joke of the Day

"I overheard a super skinny girl say that she sometimes forgets to eat. So naturally I licked her face to see if it was contagious"

"I ran over a child who was on his way to band practice carrying his cymbals. I'll never forget that horrible sound as I rolled past his motionless corpse. Ba dum tiss"

"Apparently mime on mime violence is a real problem, you just don't hear about it."

"CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*"

"""Pikachu, use astonish!"" *Leans into opponent's ear* ""Jet fuel can't melt steel beams."""

"My ceramics teacher was excellent. Day after day, she was always kiln it."

"""Honey, does this milk seem spoiled?"" *milk locks itself in its room til it gets an iPhone 6* ""Oh its just going thru a phase"""

"*giraffe getting his daily coffee* G: usual grande mocha man Barista: gee that's a... G: *sigh* B:...tall order G: Christ, every goddam day Phil"

"Which side of a horse has the most hair? The OUTSIDE! oh-my-goodness, that's hilarious! ~Skip"

"Why do we need art? Because the Earth without art is just ""Eh""."