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Joke of the Day

"I named my phone ""The Titanic...."" So when I plug it in to charge it says, ""The Titanic is syncing"""

"Sorry I'm late. My dog ate my car."

"[2nd time at girls house] ""where's your dog?"" Oh he isn't mine. I was dog sitting [makes text alert sound w mouth] ""Its work. I gotta go"""

"Lawyer: The defense rests Judge: Counselor, your rebuttal? Lawyer: HAHAHA that sounded like ""you're a butthole"" Judge: LOLOLOL #Buttle"

"What happens when you turn on a computer? You turn it's floppy disk into a hard disk"

"Why do hunters make better lovers? - They penetrate deep into the bush... - They shoot at least twice... - They eat what they shoot..."

"A dog and a cat walk into a bar. One starts licking its ass and the other says ""Two can play that game!"" They forget about drinks."

"Sure, I'll help you find those paper cuts. -Purell"

"I was sitting on the toilet, constipated... The undropped turd asked me, ""Man, what did you eat?!"" ""A pound of cheese,"" I said. The turd said, ""You're shittin' me."" I said, ""I shit you not."""

"If a redditor who is going into labour posts an original content (picture) of her in the ward... Is it polite to say ""OP will deliver?"""