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Joke of the Day

"Karma takes too long, I'd rather beat the shit out of you just now."

"When you use a stranger's phone charger, you're charging with everyone they've ever charged with."

"Cars & sex -Hey Marc, I bet your sexlife is like your Ferrari! ""I don't have a Ferrari."" -That's what i mean."

"I went to the doctor with severe constipation, he laughed as he took my urine sample. I think he's taking the piss but I still couldn't give a shit."

"Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m."

"My mother took me to the symphony when I was a child.. But we had to leave because of all the sax and violins."

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off"

"Just dropped a book on my head guess I am only to blame my shelf"

"""oh cool a sewer level"" --nobody, ever, playing any video game, ever"

"I haven't talked to a single member of my family since the great monopoly battle of '06. So yea, I know a thing or 2 about holding a grudge."