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Joke of the Day

"What kind of tree barks? A dogwood!!"

"No matter who wins the election they are going to have a build a wall on the southern border of Canada."

"If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones."

"Two peanuts were walking down the alley... One was assaulted"

"I have decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money... I'm sorry, but I've moved on, and maybe it's time that you do too."

"Did you know that half of all Harleys ever made are still on the road? Yep, they never made it home."

"When a woman asks how good I am in bed... I'm definitely not the second coming."

"Unknown person parked their car in my driveway, now it's my car. That's how that works, right?"

"Illegal immigrants do jobs that Americans don't want. Like marrying Donald Trump."

"Good choice putting $4,000 rims on your 1998 Honda Civic. That's like Betty White going out and getting her tits done."