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Joke of the Day

"Unless you're telling me how to skip it in the future, your voicemail greeting wastes my time."

"Reddit front page is so slow that it's showing posts from 30 years ago."

"A man was caught peeing in public by a police officer. The cop's only reaction was... ""Urine trouble now."""

"Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius."

"My girlfriend asked if I could play wonderwall on the guitar. I said ""maybe""."

"In this holiday season I really gotta give a shout out to those who've always been around for me. Mr. Chen and his family at the restaurant."

"Best thing about being a professional bagpiper is.. We get the best blow jobs."

"IF you feel cold if you ever get cold just stand in a corner for a bit. they are usually around 90 degrees."

"Ted said to his friend 'can you lend me $10?' 'But I only have $8' his friend replied. That's OK you can always owe me the other $2!"

"Guys, I know we're 3 days from Inauguration Day... But here's how Bernie Sanders can still win!"