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Joke of the Day

"How did the man find out his sister was actually his half-sister? He saw her penis"

"I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy. ""Making breakfast. ;)"" ""Walking the dog. ;)"" ""Broke in to your house ;)"""

"What the difference between Australia and a glass of milk? Leave the glass of milk alone long enough and it'll develop a culture."

"If I had known I was going to have this much shit to do at work today I wouldn't have come in sober"

"""STOP TELLING ME WHAT TO DO"", I yell to my 5 year old."

"I was trying to think of a Legend of Zelda pun... But I don't want to tri and force it"

"I sold my sole to the Devil yesterday... He was pretty pissed off when he found out it wasn't a typo."

"Where do tech guys with diarrhea go to work? IBM"

"Did you hear about the electrician who beat up a baker? He was charged with battery."

"They should make custom Starbucks cards that say, ""I wouldn't normally be buying your coffee, but I got this gift card."""