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Joke of the Day

"Mum: Why hasn't ________? been around lately? I thought you were good friends? Me: Because he turned into a cunt."

"My grandpa has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the local zoo."

"What do you call a lesbian toilet. Gai Waterhouse."

"I like my women like I like my milk Freshly made and trapped in the fridge"

"Where does the king keep his armies? in his sleevies!"

"What do you call a politically powerful shrub in Jamaica? A hegemon."

"*scrolls ur TL* *finds ur tweet from 2 yrs ago.* *eerily similar to mine from day before* ""She stole my tweet AND built a time machine?!"""

"What's the last thing that goes through a fly's mind when it hits your windshield? Its butt."

"What is an orphan's favourite drink? Fosters."

"Apple pie isn't American unless you eat the whole thing in one sitting."