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Joke of the Day

"Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful."

"The divorce rate is almost at 60%. How does Cupid keep his job with that level of failure?"

"Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye is like Sarah Palin being on a climate change panel with Bill Nye."

"hot singles are in your area, merging together into a plurality, a hot leviathan. the time for chat is over. this is not your area anymore"

"To my American friends: On Sunday, don't forget to set your clocks back one hour. On Tuesday, try not to set your country back 50 years."

"A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians."

"Q: What's small red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator."

"*loses 100 pounds in the US* yes *loses 100 pounds in England* no"

"[first day as homicide detective] Cop: any signs of forced entry? Me: yeah, a bullet somehow forced its way through his face & into his head"

"Another Sunday at Gym Church w/ Pastor Pumpz. We sang ""My Bod is an Awesome Bod"", ""Bod is Great Bod is Good"", and ""Be Thou My Protein"""