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Joke of the Day

"Beauty and the Beast (1991): A woman develops Stockholm Syndrome, emotionally bonding with her captor at castle furnished with singing decor"

"Say what you want about suicide jumpers. I think they used all of their potential."

"I'm not a Christian... But as a gay man I wouldn't object to being nailed bloody up against some hard wood."

"I've always been a dog person, but I have never had a close friend that was a cat person. I just find that cats taste too gamy."

"Have you heard? They pulled the Steve Irwin brand of sunscreen off the shelves. It didn't protect against deadly rays."

"You are? Follow instructions. Say - Eye Spell-map Say-ness"

"How do you get the guitar player off of your porch? Pay for the pizza."

"Hugh Jackman I like to call Hugh Jackman, Huge Jackman because I imagine he has a big dick. When he masturbates, he would have a Huge Jack, Man."

"Today I was walking down the street today and a guy threw a slice of cheese at me. That's mature."

"I don't understand why subway has to train their employees. We do that for them everytime we order & tell them EXACTLY how to make a sub."