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Joke of the Day

"Yes I am 45, male and love cats. Recently I posted a selfie. It could be worse though, right? Hello?"

"I want a girlfriend with OCD, that way whenever I want to go home I can just say ""Are you sure you checked the stove before we left?"""

"What kind of soldier doesn't need bullets? The kind of soldier that's always shooting his mouth off."

"What do history teachers make when they want to get together? Dates!"

"Coworker: You're very immature. Me: You're very observant."

"40% of North American teens can't even find ISIS on a map. Talk about ignorant"

"I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill! Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes."

"Why is it called Mother Nature? Because if it were called Father Nature it would be a lot more predictable."

"What's the opposite of a basic Jew? A Hasidic Jew. (Thank you.. Thank you.. I'll be here all week..)"

"Apparently the owners of Aldi and Lidl were really brothers. Presumably Aldi was the alder one and Lidl the Lidl one."