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Joke of the Day
"I want this guy to teach me to fish, but he keeps handing me lemons."
Next Joke
"Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony."
"Why can't Michael Jackson drive backwards in a car? Cause he's dead."
"I'm so glad you don't give a crap, because that would be a disgusting gift."
"Try not to remember that your brain is the pilot of a meat robot that can't do twenty pushups without dying."
"Don't bother entering the sail-raising contest at the boat club. It's rigged."
"How does procrastination start? I'll tell you tomorrow."
"Over the weekend, my girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said ""Wow, that's an awfully big word for a 12 year old."""
"I accidentally mixed up my dads sleeping pills with my Viagra... he says its harder getting to sleep now."
"If you're American, when are you not American? When European. Or when you're Russian. Any more? :)"