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Joke of the Day

"What's a tick's favorite food? A tic tac"

"That's it, teachers. Keep gloating on Facebook about your snow day. You'll see my kids tomorrow after their breakfast of Coke & Pixy Stix."

"Who tries to steal fool's gold'? A pyrite!"

"Just pressed a picture of my new Corvette against the glass of the shark tank at the aquarium & said ""You guys ain't shit."""

"What do you call a alligator in a vest? Investigator."

"In a job interview ""Name?"" ""JJoon Sttutuartt"" ""Again please"" ""JJoon Sttutuartt"" ""Sir, are you a stutterer?"" ""No, my father stuttered, and the civil servant was an asshole"""

"Recently I sailed the 7 seas... And let me tell you, this wasn't my worst report card (Seven seas, Seven C's)"

"What did Ben Franklin call his pee hole? Urethra Franklin."

"(Blows you a kiss with chip crumbs hitting your face)"

"Always ask ""are you voting for Sanders?"" before sex. If they say ""yes"" you know they are too young."