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Joke of the Day

"Finding out your ex has a bad life is like finding 100 $ in your pocket. Not life changing but definitely puts a smile on your face."

"I put a bumper sticker on my car that says ""honk if I'm pretty"" Sometimes when I'm sad I go park at green lights"

"I was sitting on the toilet when todays earthquake hit. The toilet shook like a rollercoaster. It scared the shit out of me."

"I love you A man had 'I love you' tattooed on his dick. When he came home, he proudly showed his wife, who said ""there you go again, trying to put words into my mouth"""

"I didn't sign up for the 401k at work, because there's no way I can run that far."

"Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit? A: Will the defendant please rise."

"I sincerely hope Trump does become President Because at least Australian Politics won't be the butt of every joke anymore. Sincerely, still a rather embarrassed Australian citizen."

"Nurse: Your name, please? Me: Dr. Feelgood. Nurse: ... Me: ... Nurse: You're not a Dr. are you? Me: No, I won't make you feel good, either."

"90% of being a parent is shouting, ""Remember to flush the toilet."" The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone."

"I've got my fingers in many pies Which is why I lost my job as a waiter."