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Joke of the Day

"Madonna falling was wrong on so many levels. Well 2, the stage and the floor."

"When I was a kid we were so poor... If I didn't wake up at christmas with a hard-on I'd have nothing to play with."

"A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop."

"[offensive] What do books have that Mexican's don't? Papers"

"do you know the difference between a carrot and a fork? If you don't you should be more careful when you eat!"

"Meeting your ex IRL is like staring into a black hole There should be something there, but there isn't. And it sucks."

"I left my house for a five-mile-run this morning. But when I got a block away, I had to turn around and go back because I forgot something. I forgot I can't run five miles."

"Why do japanese have small eye slits? because nuclear explosions are so fucking bright. (i'm going to hell for this)"

"Why didn't the stick of butter confess his feelings? Because somethings are butter left unsaid."

"One of my ""100 things to do before you die"" would definitely be ""call an ambulance""."