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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: stop quoting Britney Spears songs or I'll leave you ME: but I'm a slave 4 u WIFE: that's it ME: (whispers) oops I did it again"

"Me - I'm not in the mood to work today My bank account - you better GET in the mood"

"- Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer? - Well dear... Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with ""Please wait while your computer shuts down""..."

"My wife's legs are like the peanut butter I left in the fridge. Won't spread."

"Why did the witch lose her way? Because her hat was pointing in the wrong direction."

"What's the best part about having sex with twenty-one year old's? There's twenty of them."

"A fisherman was trying to learn the alphabet... he got lost at C"

"Why was Jesus not born in West Virginia? Because they couldn't find three wise men or a virgin. Gf sent me this when she was driving through the state."

"I just saw a picture of a duck posing and doing a dumbwhitegirlface."

"Going to How to Train Your Dragon tomorrow... Or marriage guidance counselling as the wife calls it."