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Joke of the Day

"CUTE GIRL IN BAR: *walks up, points to my empty glass* Want another? ME: (OK don't blow this) Sure *she hands me her empty glass & leaves*"

"I saw The Joker working at a winter apparel store. He turned to me and said ""You wanna know how I got these scarves?"""

"For the life of me, I can't understand why small and medium pizzas exist."

"Peeing is Foursquare for dogs."

"In a committed relationship with carbs."

"Spreads legs... Nope Spreads two other legs .... Nope Spreads two others .... Dammit, no Spreads last two.... BINGO!! - spider sex"

"So I'm opening a seafood restaurant... ...and my signature dish will be eel in a light Japanese batter. It will be called ""O Tempura! O Morays!"""

"Man and Women in Diffrent Combinations Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = affair Dumb man + smart woman = marriage Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy"

"I gave two pints of blood at the hospital. You would think they'd appreciate it but they just started asking me questions like... Who's blood is this, and how did you get it?"

"Business Idea: 1. Buy a taco truck. 2. Park it in front of my house. 3. Sell tacos to myself."