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Joke of the Day

"How many members of Coldplay does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, but he has to see Radiohead do it first."

"What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra? Tuskanini."

"Why did the toast drop his ice-cream? He had butterfingers!"

"Lots of decisions will be made today... Because it's Choose day."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Beggar ! Beggar who ? Beggar you don't know !"

"How near was the boy to his dad's tobacco stash before getting busted? Close... but no cigar."

"I'm not worried about chemtrails anymore. My flu shot must be kicking in."

"I don't think it's by accident that the ceilings in trailer homes aren't high enough to hang yourself from."

"I've got two right here for ya Who are the easiest kids to pick on? Orphans. Who are they going to tell, their parents? Jews should feel lucky. They got their grandparents cremated for free!"

"I want to go on the record by saying I love my family but if I have to spend any longer with them you'll be seeing me on the 6 o'clock news."