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Joke of the Day

"How many blonde jokes are there? One... The rest are true stories."

"Beer:""You know what would be funny?"" Me:""No. What?"" Beer:""Really? Finish me and have four more then I'll ask again."" Me:""Yes, sir."""

"Q: What do blondes do after they comb their hair? A: They pull up their pants."

"[prison riot] *standing over my origami ducks* ""GO AROUND! GO AROUND!"""

"Why did the hipster drown in the lake? Because he went ice skating before it was cool."

"Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant.. Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says ""My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"""

"Why was the Muslim arrested for speeding during Ramadan? Because he was going *to fast*!"

"*Burglar breaks into my room* *he looks around* *he softly wakes me up* Dude do you need some money or something? I'd be happy to help"

"Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer"

"How do you call a USB stick in Russia? A put-in"