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Joke of the Day

"If you can tell from my eye contact at the grocery store that I'm inviting you to race shopping carts, you're my kinda people."

"The guy who invented Twister died this week. Fitting him into the coffin took 27 spins."

"I like my women like my wine... 9 years old and locked in the basement"

"When speaking to children I always end every sentence with ""...or else you'll die. "" - I find this to be an excellent motivational tool."

"Brobbits before Hobbits"

"What do you call a large group of prostitutes? A whored"

"Why did the blind guy have a burnt face? He answered the iron."

"A man walks in to a green grocer's ""Excuse me ma'am, are these carrots genetically modified?"" ""No"" interrupted the carrot."

"Did you hear the library at the University of Alabama burned down this morning? All three books were destroyed. One of them wasn't even colored in yet."

"I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens."