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Joke of the Day

"Husband: What would you do if i won the lottery? Wife: I'd take half and leave. Husband: Well here's $6 and you can start packing anytime now."

"What did the drunken Irishman say to the Chinese diplomat? http://www.reddit.com/r/Youwritethepunchline/comments/2zg1zy/what_did_the_drunken_irishman_say_to_the_chinese/"

"When asked what it was like getting over a Viagra addiction my buddy said,""Well my first few days were the hardest."""

"Put a pill in wife's mouth while asleep ""WTF you doing?"" ""for your headache."" ""I don't have one!"" Just what I wanted to hear! *unzip flys"

"It's wrong! If gay marriage is legal who will stop me marrying this painting of a horse. This majestic painting. Who will stop me kissing it"

"Always be yourself... Unless you run into one of your exes... Then... Be a WAY more successful version of yourself..."

"[airport] For $800 more you can upgrade to Arctic Class What's that? Same as coach but the flight staff is penguins [slaps table] SOLD"

"A girl walks into a bar... A girl walks into a bar and says, ""I'll have a double entendre."" So the bartender gives her Triple Secs."

"Van Gogh's best friend was his brother Theo He would often lend him an ear."

"What do you call it when you give chairs to the poor? A Chair-ity!"